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.. you get the idea. Anyway, the thought occurred to me that in my, ‘Want To Have Done’ column I could just have easily put, ‘Have a hot girl who’ll do anything I want’. I could have saved myself carpal tunnel.I saved and closed the file at that point. I had a lot to think about, following that exercise in futility. I realized, and I’m about to use big words, because what I had was an epiphany. I’m a narcissist and that’s not the full word meaning narc either. If you don’t know what it means you shouldn’t have been reading what I’d written so far either.Nowhere in my lists had I written anything about falling head over heels in love with a woman. Everything I wrote to do with the interaction between me and a woman revolved around me. Sure, it’s my list, but in my head, I’d love to fall head over heels for a beautiful woman – as long as she either unconditionally bows to my every whim, or focuses a hundred percent of her energy into making me want to lick dirt off her shoe.FYI, my list. "The gas cylinders are all set in the ventilation ducts, Randy. The timers are fixed for one thirty tomorrow morning." And the smelling salts?"No good unless she knows what's happening, y'know." In my robe, Randy." And the knock-out gas?" Cranston has that." You've checked it out, as far as smoothness of operation?" Tied down? Three of us? I don't see that there'll be any prob—"Eric stops speaking as Randy signals with his eyes.He turns, to see Daisy approaching."Can Eric take me over to the garden shop, Randy?"I need some muslim bunting for—" You need it, you need it, my dear, for whatever reason."That's all I have to know."Eric, take Daisy wherever to do whatever."And he turns away, buttocks extended as though mooning them, and dives back into the pool."I'll just run up and get some shoes on," she says to Eric."I wouldn't push like this, but I've got to get these tomato plant roots wet today, and the sun is just—never mind."Like talking to a statue, she thinks.And dashes off to get.
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