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Why she wanted to try out being the small mousy girl from biology, I had no idea, but the concept made me uncomfortable.See, the thing is, when you’re wearing the receiver, whoever wore the helmet had complete control over your body - as if it were their own. Sarah would be able to feel, see, and hear everything I did, and she’d also be the one behind the controls. I would be just a passenger in my own body, unable to even blink by myself, just watching myself move until Sarah had the good graces to release me.It actually was even worse than that. If she wanted, she’d be able to make me completely ‘black out’, cutting me off from any awareness of what my body was doing. In that case, I’d just wake up afterwards, having no idea what had transpired while she rode me. It gave me the shivers. I liked Sarah, but we hadn’t known each other all that long, and I didn’t trust her with something like that.“Why don’t I try it on you, if you just want to see it work?” I asked.“Becaaaause”, Sarah. She’d had enough reason to leave even before she began reading the journals. I’d given them to her in the fervent hope that with everything out on the table, and nothing hidden, we could work through it. It was a dangerous play, one that I’d called a ‘Hail Mary’, but I saw no other solutions. There were things I simply could not do, including changing my relationship with Kara, or somehow reducing my involvement in the lives of my other children and their mothers. Those were simply non-starters.I could, if need be, restrict myself to just Jessica and Kara. Elyse and Abbie would understand, even if they wouldn’t be happy about that turn of events. The thing was, except for the ‘Carla Incident’, which had actually occurred before Jessica and I even met, my dalliances hadn’t really caused any problems with Jessica. Yes, there was the ‘Thanksgiving Incident’ with Hope, Kimmy, and Jacquelyn, but that had been dealt with on our drive back from Maine. The thing with Becky, not the original.
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