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It worked like a charm, and I posted the story, 'Team Spirit.'10/3/2021I did have to break my doctor's recommendation to cut out caffeine, Ihad the caffeine pills from when I work the swing shift at my last job.I must have taken one pill more than I needed, I was still hyper andgoing to bed was not going to work, resting was best I could do.I had come down from the hyper-ness enough to eat something. Elevenhours add I never felt the hunger pains. One way to lose a few pounds,however, I am sure my doctor would not approve."Better diet and exercise is what you need," is what his office tellsme. I finally got tired enough to sleep, ok--I passed out at some pointafter the Chiefs game. I got up long enough to relive myself then turnedoff the TV and switched the light off.10/4/2021I woke up 9:50 am and was about to start my day, make coffee,decaffeinated. That is when things started to go wrong. Rinsing out mytravel cup I noticed that the water was not draining out of the sink.Slow. To me. That’s what he didn’t want to face. Being hurt, and rejected. Just as I’d just rejected him. Steph, you fucking fool. I let my forehead fall against the windowpane with a clunk. The cool of the glass felt good against the burning heat of my skin. And I should be embarrassed. I was such an idiot. All the things I’d wanted him to say. He’d been ready to say them. And I’d shut him down. Walked out on him. It wasn’t Jarod who was running away from his feelings. It was me. * * * * * When I finally moved from my window, my body was stiff from standing so long. But I’d sifted through it all. Traced all the threads back to their origins. Underneath it all was sheer exhaustion, but it settled down on me as a sort of heavy peacefulness. What had started as some crazy game had, somewhere along the line, turned deadly serious. Was it possible that he loved me too? Was that what had caused him to retreat, just like I had? The pieces shifted, finding their places. He hadn’t been with.
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