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I hadn’t been happier for a long time. We said our goodbyes, a little while later agreeing to call each other to arrange when we could get together as we kissed each other lightly on the lips. The hardest thing was going to be able to see each other without the kids, so I began wondering how we could meet and get to know each other without going everywhere with them. I got everything ready for the next day and the kids went to bed at their allotted times. This is normally a time on Sunday that I sit down and arrange my diary, and plan for the week ahead, looking at this week I was particularly quiet and made a mental note to try and keep it clear. It was about 10.30 and I was just sitting at my desk looking at my schedule on screen when the phone rang, it was Rachel, my heart just skipped a beat at hearing her voice, she wanted to tell me how great a time she had had, and that if she closed her eyes, she could still feel me inside her. I laughed, telling her how great she made me. The rest was just pain, so familiar it was its own sort of comfort. I rolled over and turned off my alarm, two minutes before it would have gone off. Feet in slippers, off to the bathroom. A familiar routine. Hardly changed in the five years since cancer had taken Lisa from me. I stared at myself in the mirror. A few graying hairs, maybe. All my aging had happened in those few short months, before time had frozen. Sometimes people didn’t believe I was nearing forty, and congratulated me on my youth. Maybe I was an immortal, doomed to drift along while others lived and died. Damn. This one had really gotten to me. The sex I was used to. I would probably have dream sex with Lisa until the heat death of the universe, and that would be all right. But the baby. That was a future that didn’t exist. That broke the deal I had with the part of me that would never heal properly. I shook my head. I’d get through the day. Repeat anything enough and it acquires the force of physical law. I’d.
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