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The dream was a happy dream and I was having a good time in it. Now the window and the rectangle of sunlight and I was back, in my hotel, in my room, in my bed. And Justyna was kneeling on the bed and kissing me and telling me that she had to go to work and I knew where to find her and…“I lof you Suzy.”"I lof you too, Justyna," I said, mimicking her accent, and then she was gone. I lay back and my memories all began banging on the door, trying to get my attention.“One at a time please,” I said out loud. I giggled too. (Yes I know!) For the first time, I felt good and none of my thoughts could contradict me. I needed to speak to my boss and get back to work somehow. Then there was, of course, Jenneke and her exhibition… that was a hard one to remember and I winced in pain. Then, finally, the memories of Justyna and last night and… Oh, God.I was being so kind and careful not to go to her too soon, and she was the same. Once the door was locked (twice) and we were alone we kissed and. She realized I wasn't exactly a woman got embarrassed and laughed. I showed her my painted nails and said, "Don't worry about it." Part of the rest of that workday I was explaining. Perhaps these are ways to welcome me into THE SISTERHOOD. It has gained me insights to my soul. I hope to get more.Another insight was gained when a sister author suggested to me during a time of writer's block that I go to a mall and follow some people and listen to what they say. Among the groups of people that I listened to were two husband and wife pairs. I noticed that both men dominated the conversations. I asked her later if this was normal. She told me that it was. Later I thought back fifteen years ago to the first time I tried transitioning. I was a real estate agent then and I was invited to sell a waterfront house. The owner was proud of the Italian marble that he had installed and I would rip out as soon as I could if I owned the place. He kept dominating the conversation. He hardly let me.
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