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It was empty as in, it was empty. There was nothing in the room at all. No bed, no nothing. Confused, I went back to my room and sat there. Killian had said that he was staying in that room. He had not only left me to feel embarrassed this evening, but he had lied to me. I felt hurt and cheated. “Eleanor,” I heard a faint voice coming from the hallway. I slowly walked over to the door and placed my ear against it. “Eleanor.” My whole body froze. I knew right then and there that it was Killian. I did not want to answer but I needed to tell him how I felt. I swung open the door expecting to see him standing there but the hallway was empty. “Eleanor.” I heard my voice again, this time coming from the room that I had just discovered to be empty. I walked over to it once again, I could not see that the light in the room was on. I slowly pushed the door open. “Killian,” I asked as I stepped into the room. My heart stopped in my chest and my eyes got wide as I noticed the room was now full. " Was I just too afraid to find out? It washopeless, sex was hopeless, it won't work, I could see why she wasn'thappy with it. I reached for a clean wash cloth for her, it was my onlygesture of kindness, of love; she took it, but left me to go into thebathroom. I slumbered, like a stud smoking a cigarette, but didn't have ashread of energy, how did they do it, so macho? And me, pathetic... Ididn't deserve her, I didn't even warrant a wife, I really felt useless.When she returned to the bed, she said something about it being alright,did she sense my apology, or was she ending her teasing? I just don'tknow. I knew I couldn't change my nature, I had found my fantasy when Iwas a small child, using it to escape reality, maybe I had my excuse,maybe it was justified then, but now, there was no justification exceptthat I was so deeply captivated by those thoughts that there were times Ihad no choices. At times the obsessions became overwhelming, so strong,the day would start and as I awoke.
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