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It was liberating. Last night's dream, my fantasywhile Laura fucked me, had made a crucial difference. I wasn't Carybeing Carol. I was Carol. Herself. Cary had gone elsewhere for thetime being, and I couldn't have cared less. If gone irretrievably, nomatter.I worked in Cary's study until mid-afternoon, not as Cary but as hisadministrative assistant, sort of, typing and filing his notes for him,approving or disapproving things, doing his job but also relaxing,enjoying the girly sensations that washed through me. I'd spentprevious Saturdays dressed as Carol, pretending to be Carol, trying tofeel what Carol would feel and now and then succeeding. But now I wasauthentic, because Carol was who I really was. Cary was an earlier,mistaken self. It amused me that Cary might well still be hiding outinside me, concerned for his puny virility, his so-called masculinity.That he probably couldn't tolerate the joy I felt whenever Laura's dickburied itself in me. But Laura loved me much. ’ Sophie whispered to me. ‘I’ll have no problem getting this one glass to last the whole meal, in fact there’ll be some left in the glass.’ ‘It is pretty bad, only someone with no tastebuds could think it drinkable.’ I whispered in return. After lunch we all broke up and went our separate ways, except for Sophie and I. ‘Would you like to se the portrait that I’m working on?’ She asked as we walked past Giles. ‘Can I? I didn’t think artists allowed anyone to see works in progress.’ ‘We don’t like the subject seeing it, simply because the prep work looks a mess until the details are applied.’ Hand in hand we went off to the studio space that she was working in. There was a drop sheet over the easel to keep any dust or bugs off. When she removed it I saw, even though it was only the background and base coats, that it would eventually be a portrait of our esteemed host. ‘I’m having problems not turning this into a caricature.’ ‘If you need the money you’ll have to curb your natural.
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