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“I’ve never made a late payment on anything, Kait. I guess that paying a bill on time was too big a ball for you to carry.” “I’ll send the payment out now.” “No you won’t.” He took off his jacket, hung it up, and locked up his gun. “Um, are you hungry? I made dinner,” I asked, trying desperately to change the subject. “I’m not hungry right now and I suspect you won’t be either after this.” “What are you talking about?” I asked. “You’ll see.” He gave me the letter from the electric company. “Kait, read the letter. How much is the total due?” “It says total due, $119.30.” “That means you get one hundred and nineteen strokes with the paddle and thirty with the cane.” “You’ve lost your mind!” I exclaimed in shock. “We’ll see about that,” he said sternly. He went into the closet and took out the paddle. “Take off your clothes- everything.” “Why should I? I said I’ll send the payment out now.” “I told you to take your fuckin’ clothes off, right now!” I nervously started to undress, unsure. But I forgot your birthday”.“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL”Translated: “I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt”.“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING”Translated: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon”.“I CAN’T FIND IT”Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless”.“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”Translated: “What did you catch me at?”“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE”Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again”.“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK”Translated: “I make the messes; she cleans them up”.A guy was driving down a long stretch of country highway, when he approached a fruit stand. The sign above read “We have peaches that taste like anything and everything, guaranteed!”The man thought about it, and decided to stop. He thought this has to be bullshit. So he approaches the old, feeble man behind the stand and says “So, you have peaches that taste like strawberries.
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