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Who am I?The funeral was for an acquaintance, a minor ghost from the past. She attended Notre Dame with me but never rode in my Desoto. She looked me up after she moved to the Pacific Northwest. Despite her Notre Dame diploma, her funeral was a secular service that lacked the propriety spiritual ambiance for the mystery of death found in a Catholic religious service, at least for me.Reposed in her open coffin, lifelike, black coiffured hair, fingernails polished pearl white, hands holding a red bouquet, dressed in black and white, the impression was, she would rise up, smile and participate with us. Instead, she was dead, never to move again, a corpse, no longer among us, her body discomposing indecipherably as we watched. The lid, soon to be closed, she so neatly tucked into her coffin, it to be lowered into the damp earth, all to rot.Oh God, poor Rickie, Mom, Dad what do they look like now?We weren’t close when attending Norte Dame. The truth, I didn’t like her. She was proud, stuck. For that to happen, she needed to feel comfortable with everything we’d done.“I am floored,” she said as her granddaughter left the room. “I almost don’t recognize her, both how she looks and her attitude. She’s like a bigger version of the little girl I remember from ... before her parents died. I was sure I’d lost that girl.”“She was always in there. She just didn’t know how to deal with the pain of losing her parents, and she’d found she could at least numb it with drugs. As she got sober each time, she had both the pain from her parents still there, with shame over her habit added on top of it.”“How’d you do this?”“First, I want to make it clear, she isn’t cured. We managed to get all that crap out of her system, and more importantly, we’ve been giving her things to do that she could feel proud of. But, she still needs to get some therapy, to deal with the underlying problems. She still has a lot of pain, down deep.”“That makes sense, I guess. I should have probably gotten her to.
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