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But finally I have to accept this, I have to accept that this is who I am.” he paused as I waited expectantly, “Christa, I am a woman. I am a woman and my name is Amber.”Strangely I was not surprised by this. All the pieces slid into place, and I saw a light in my friend’s eyes that I had never seen before. Amber was looking at me, and I recognized that I had seen her before in David’s moments of strength and certainty.“Amber…” I murmured, reaching out to touch her cheek, and felt the slight stubble of her masculine features. As I pulled her close for a hug, I understood her pain in being trapped in this body that did not reflect her soul.Amber and I became even closer after that. She began to dress more femininely – faltering at first through the stylistic choices and body language that most women have spent all their lives perfecting. Amber was a skilled artist and her paintings were full of voluptuous female forms lounging seductively on her canvasses. The figures seemed to glow. After some time i couldn't handle the load of school work and no matter how much ambition one has it wont help you memorized 200 facts about eukaryotes in 3 days. Then i went on this 3 year trip to study information systems to work this 100K/year remote job that would let me work from Rome, Prague maybe Cleveland. But Nada! i passed some course, failed others. And after 7 years of college, living at home you just want to get the fuck out. I then thought after all the jobs, military and family trauma what career would allow me to use my analytical success with peolpe ( Fuck Dr.Phil) and still have a bigger purpose than just making money. Police officer!!and then detective. But did about 2 months in the Pittsburgh police academy in 2018. But left because i was 14 classes away for a degree in finance. I just wanted to make enough money to be free of having to please anyone.I write this to help better understand that its hard to have certain ideas in life but then you develop a fetish.
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