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He asks her who he is, and she hesitates.After more talking, it comes out that there have been several other men, and that it’s been going on for a while. He’s afraid to ask why, because he fears the answer, but he asks anyway. She hesitates to tell him the truth, because she truly doesn’t want to hurt him, and so she makes something up, and doesn’t say anything about the real reason, about his sexual inadequacy, about his small penis, about his premature ejaculation problem. At around this time he loses it, breaks down, and cries like a little boy, sobbing, as she cradles him in her arms. He feels humiliated, inadequate, and lost. When he asks her to please stop, to please stop having sex with other men, she’s honest, and tells him that she can’t really promise him anything because she doesnt’ know, that she’s confused.After more talking, she eventually tells him that if he wants to leave her, she’ll understand. That she knows it’s all her fault. But he loves her, and that’s. Ever since that time the roleof women's clothes in my life increased by the week. I consideredwhether it was all an insidious form of slow brainwashing created by myStepmother in the pursuit of her own goals for me. And if it wasbrainwashing it had been successful as she had broken my resistancewhich led to the disappearance of my original male identity.Even my sexuality had been blurred, Reginald had already fucked me inthe ass several times. I knew if I married him he would fuck me a lotmore. I told myself it wasn't gay sex and that I wasn't gay because Iwas dressed like a girl during the sex, but what if this was justconfused thinking? In the back of my mind I knew what people would labelme. I shuddered at the idea of being called "gay" or a "faggot" on apermanent basis.I also felt resentment toward my Stepmother over how flippant she hadtreated my sexuality. When my Stepmother discovered that my date was aLancaster son rather than a Lancaster daughter she expected me to datehim.
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