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? Somehow I never believed I would have to confront the realissues and motivations of my gender dysphoria. After all, it was alwayssomething that I did apart from ?reality.? I either did it away from myhome and family ? except for times with Linda, or as a ?goof? wheneverI could dress as Beth in a socially acceptable way. Halloween andcostume parties provided that outlet. Now it was out in the open for myfamily, but hidden deep in a closet from the rest of the world. Thereality was I had become what I had thought I wanted the most. Inalmost every way imaginable, no one would believe I was anyone otherthan Kate Stevens ? a woman. Even Annie, who knew better, was losingsight of that reality. I suddenly realized that apart from my familyJohn had nearly ceased to exist. Beth barely existed. The crushingweight of what I was going through fell on me that morning.It was no longer a game.I spent some time, I suppose you could call it quiet time, justreading, reflecting, and praying about how. ”Norma thought for a moment, then said, “well maybe you should have kept that to yourself, but what’s the problem?”“Well, he must have felt upset and wanted to make it up to me.”“You mean he tried to replace the one he broke?”“Not exactly Norma, he made a cast of his, you know?”Norma’s mouth dropped open. “You mean the one you got for me was Tommy’s?”Maureen nodded.“Oh no, thank god he doesn’t know.” The look on Maureen’s face told Norma that her son did know. “Oh Maureen, you didn’t tell him it was for me?”“No,” said Maureen forcefully, “it was when you took it home, he recognised the box.”“So he asked you about it?”Maureen nodded, “yes, he asked me if you masturbated, but I said I wasn’t able to answer his questions and that he should speak to you.”“Oh no, how did he seem, I mean, was he upset or angry?”Maureen hesitated.“Please Maureen, I need to know.”“To be honest and I don’t think you’re going to be very pleased, but I noticed that he had an erection.” Maureen waited for this.
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