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”It was at that point my reason deserted me. “Why did you call me an orphan?’”“Well, my dear,” she explained smoothing a patronising hand along my arm. “Because of your aunt.”“You’re ignoring my parents.”I was elated. She was immobile with her flabby mouth half open, her cup frozen in mid-air.I allowed my statement to settle slowly before I continued with a triumphant climax. “My parents are Jack and Vera Duckworth.”The tea cup almost fell from her grip and I allowed another interim of silence before my ongoing destruction of the ancient conceit. “Naturally,” I puffed out, “they toured in rep for many years and now work in Manchester for most of the week. It was convenient to stay with my aunt and then when I was employed it was convenient for me to stay in London.”Martha recovered a modicum of her composure and was keen to learn more. “When you say ‘The Duckworths,’ you obviously mean the actors?”“Yes indeed.” I was thankful she didn’t expect me to refer to them by name as I confess,. Man was that a scary ride.My first century in Hell was spent as one of the Tormented. Toward the end of that period, I mentioned a way to increase the number of souls Saint Peter sent down the ‘Slippery Slide to Hell’. My idea was tried and it worked. My reward was to be elevated to the position of Tormentor, Third Class.During the next two centuries, I received several promotions ending up as one of Hell’s Tormentor Supervisors. My boss, Simon Legree, was the Manager of the Department of New Souls and reported directly to Lucifer. I figured that it would take another millennium or two before my boss would receive a lateral transfer to the Department of Old Souls and I would have a chance at his position.Christmas was approaching up on the surface and down here things always got busy. The large number of drunk drivers killing themselves and their fellow commuters meant we always had a higher than average monthly intake in the New Souls Department. The Thanksgiving holiday meant.
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