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My nature had been corrupted and by railing against him, I found my own pleasure. Many will deem this story sick beyond the most twisted angle, but I am determined that I am not insane, just "dirty" or "tainted" by the world's standards. It was a relief when his rapes ended, but he left a black mark on me that will never fade. I have an insatiable desire for men ten to twenty years my senior, and fighting against the man fucking me roughly and harshly is the best height I can reach. I want nothing more, at this stage in my life than to be degraded as used as my dominant partner pleases. The outside of me is very dominant. I am a Sophomore in college, an honors student, a published poet. I am five feet eleven inches tall and a formidable figure to men my age. The sexual me is a submissive kitten that has to be taught repeatedly what she can and cannot do. I thrive on pleasing my dominant and survive on the sexual system of rewards and punishments. At sixteen, I was just beginning to. It was the late-80s and I was pursuing my dream of becoming a sculptor and along the way, enjoying some of the partying I’d missed because of those early dates with the pool (by the way, not all work but that might be call for another story sometime). My senior year, I met this gorgeous graduate student at NYU (okay, maybe I have more stories to tell than I thought I did but this part of my story will also have to wait). We continued to date after he took a position in London and I went on to study in Spain and we ended up getting married about 18 months after graduation. Life was, again, bliss. Chas (not his real name) was making his mark early as an investment banker and I was successful landing three patrons who commissioned pieces of my work (almost unheard of for such a young artist). After about 7 years, we moved back to New York when Chas got a shot at a principal role in a new hedge fund. This is where my story really begins to take shape. What I’m about to describe is way.
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