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She went on, “I’m going to see if Liz will let you stay with her so mommy and daddy can be alone.”For months I had not heard anything about Liz and when I had asked, mom had refused to talk about her. “Where is she?” I asked.“She has an apartment in town and a job. She is doing fine and we have patched up our differences.”Friday night dad was due in on the late night bus so mom and I met him there. Mom greeted dad with a passionate kiss that seemed to last forever. I felt embarrassed by this public display of affection. I looked around to see if anyone was watching but no one seemed concerned enough to even look. Dad tasseled my hair and asked how I was doing. From the bus station we went to Liz’s apartment. Dad greeted her with a big hug. Mom thanked her for taking me in for the week-end. Mom told me she would be back for me on Sunday evening.Liz showed me her small apartment. There was a small kitchen, a small bathroom, and a larger room with a bed and chest of. I would love to hear the words ‘I want you to feel good.’ And what of these men who pass into the background noise of my head? Do they only wait for me to be weak and vulnerable? I care deeply and I deny not my love for the men I’ve shared my heart with. Mom taught me sex without love is a degradation of one’s soul. Mom, I really tried to love them all, but they couldn’t handle my wild heart. So if it’s just been sex, and all my unselfish gestures go to waste eventually, where do I turn now? It’s always been about him. Whether it was this ‘him’, or that ‘him’, didn’t really matter. I’ve poured myself into making it ‘work’ over and over only accomplishing to tear a hole in some guy’s heart and leave myself drained and devastated. I’ve spent the better part of my adulthood trying to convince my spirit that life was easier with a man by my side. At the cost of many self sacrificial moves, I’ve buried myself again, along with any resolution to my current conundrum. I found a needle in a.
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