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“I hail from a small town in southern Alabama, but went to college up north,” he responded. The couch set back from the fireplace could handle five or six people sitting close together. Three was the magic number. I sat in the exact geographic middle of the sofa and patted each hand on the places beside me. My soon-to-be lover Thomas settled first, very, very close to me on the right, while Robert took the far end on my left side. Being the middle-man or middle-woman has advantages and disadvantages. I focused on the advantage. For every sip of the strong Irish coffee we passed around, I got two. For each toke on the joint, I got two. The heat from the fire warmed the whole room. My mate sensed this and got up, announcing, “I'll open the bedroom door to make sure some heat gets in there too.” While husband Robert was gone, Thomas made his move. He opened by asking, “Aren’t you hot in all that cold weather gear? Let me help you get more comfortable.” I said, “I thought you were. Thenmaybe you wouldn't make such remarks." That'll be the day," Jack replied. Well, as it happened, a witch wasflying by the widow's cottage at the time and overheard the conversation.She thought it would be a great trick to grant Helen's wish. So thatnight when all slept, the witch cast a spell on Jack before flying offagain on her broomstick.Helen woke up the next morning to a great scream of terror coming fromJack's room. She jumped out of her bed, checked quickly on her stillslumbering child and rushed into her lodger's room. She found Jack lyingin his bed weeping inconsolably. "Are you all right? Are you ill?" I'm dying," Jack moaned. "I've discovered tumors. I'm sure they'recancerous." The unfortunate young man wept even harder and exposed hischest to the startled landlady."They look like breasts," Helen said finally after having a close look atthe "tumors." Don't be ridiculous," Jack huffed. "I'm a man. Men don't have breasts.They're tumors." His outrage had at.
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