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“I need to see you.” “Here?! In the middle of a case! Are you mad?” “It’s important.” “Evidently. Who knows you’re here?” “No one, of course. Well, are you going to ask me in or what?” “I suppose so, come in.” The judge wore half-moon spectacles and a lemon bow tie. He had a newspaper folded under one arm and had evidently been reading when he was interrupted. A young woman appeared, upon him ringing a bell in the hallway. She was plain but smartly dressed and acknowledged Alice with a polite nod. Alice assumed it was she who had answered the intercom. “Take the ummm…doctor’s coat please, Sarah.” The girl waited while Alice slipped off the dark mackintosh. The judge looked at Alice admiringly, once she was divested of her coat. He was aware of her deeply attractive perfume, which had a touch of the exotic. She was dressed in a rich scarlet-maroon skirt, which was not especially short but whose hem was far enough above the knee to grab his attention. Her top was a lighter. And failing that, may I recommend a Sainsbury’s ‘Good For Yourself’ Tikka Curry with Chilli Garlic Bread along with Aldi’s finest ‘£1.99 for four’ lagers. A combination like that is potent! So ignore the Prune Juice – please! (Oh, and the same applies to figs – dirty disgusting things that come down here and try and run the show. I don’t who they think they are, but the arrogant little buggers certainly aren’t welcome!) And as for Yoga!? What on earth makes people think that being bent into every position possible is good for their bowels? It’s bloody agony! Professors claim that if you’re suffering from trapped wind (a symptom I’ll talk about later) then you should try Yoga to shift it. People think it’s wonderful when belches and farts break free. Let me tell you, the wind produced is far from an appreciative comment for the exercise, the truth is, we’re trying to tell you to stop – you’re killing us! That’s why, when bottom burps are released, they smell so bad! Have you ever.
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