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. I don't know?" Jacob asks it like a question. "It's a yes or no question, brother," I laugh, "do you, yes or no, want to fuck me? Because we can do it right in the zoo, like all those animals you love so much." Jacob nods his head slowly, and I grin and take him by the hand. I walk him as he follows me dumbly behind, and take him to a restroom. It's one of the kind that is meant for the handicapped, and I smile to myself when I think that it will serve for the mentally handicapped as well. Jacob gulps like a nervous virgin when I lock the door. I turn around, and he's standing all awkwardly like he expects this all to be revealed as a big joke. I make sure he knows its not a joke by giving him his first kiss. He kisses me all awkwardly, but eventually he gets the confidence he needs. We tongue eachother's mouths, and I feel him get hard again me. I giggle into his open mouth and slide my hand into his pants. He jolts as I grab his dick, but then relaxes as I start to stroke him.. " He turns his weight tothe crowd, asking, "does any here deny this lamb?" None speak. "Then," he says, "it is my job to nameyou, and the name I choose is Naomi." It's over, and I climbout. I sleepwalk through the rest of the ceremony, the fearof being brainwashed forcing me to do something I havenever before considered, to deny my God and embrace a newone. It is only words, not an active, mental acceptance, butthey are such painful, hateful words. I am overcome withguilt, and I realize, my name should be Judas, not Stephen. Iam unworthy of holding the title of the first martyr. I'm nowamong the millions of betrayers. * * * The rest of the day passes in a haze, a blury,incoherent smog of 're-education' broken only twice formeals. At lunch I aviod John, who has been renamed Sara. Iam unable to look him in the eyes after my hideous betrayel. She does not seek me out, and I have a feeling that it'sbecause she feels the same way. Instead I.
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