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You’re mad at me. You shouldn’t like me at all.”“Why not?”“I do bad things. I screw around, okay? I can’t help it. I’m no good for you, Sue. You deserve someone better. Someone taller.”“Don’t say that.”“It’s true. Isn’t it?”“No, it’s not.”“Yeah, sure.”He looked like he was going to cry. I was going to cry.“Jay? I love you.” I said in a very soft voice.He sat there not saying anything, just looking at the floor.“Aren’t you going to say anything?” I asked.“I want to say I love you too, Sue. I really do. I thought about it so much. I thought about us. I thought about how good that would be. But now I just don’t know. This week has me so confused. I feel like shit. This is not a good time to talk, Sue. What if I said I loved you but I didn’t? That would be even worse.”“So, ... what are you saying?”“I’m not saying anything. I just need to think about it. I can’t think right now. I need some time.”“We didn’t say we were going steady, did we?”“No. I guess we didn’t.”“Then I have no right to. Touching yourself was completely out of the question, unless you were bathing. So, early one morning I was feeling a little hot and horny and decided to try it out to see what I was missing. I had always wanted to see what it was like but had only gotten as far as being a little curious. For some reason whenever I had even thought about doing it in the past, it felt dirty and wrong and I would feel very uncomfortable with it. Plus, due to my upbringing, I was afraid that I was going to be struck by lightning or something. I was still under the impression that good girls didn't do that kind of thing. I did love the feeling of inserting a tampon, though. And even though I had almost done everything under the sun with the first guy I had ever fucked, I never got around to the masturbation process. But, on this particular morning, I felt like getting a little dirty. The urge to touch myself hit out of nowhere and I knew I had to get it out of my system once and for all. I was standing.
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