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You will be the first - or more likely, the third - to know. I repeat, I did not screw Linda Shoesmith.She screwed me. I never had to move a muscle. Quite how she managed to be so ... well ... physical ... with all that lot hanging from her chest, I do not know, but no doubt it's a question of sustained practice. We performed our act on the living room carpet. The television was on, but I cannot for the life of me remember anything about the show. For me, this is a damning indictment of the quality of British daytime television.What I do remember was Linda's mountainous breasts flopping massively against my face every time she bucked like a top of the range rodeo rough-rider mounted on my (admittedly no-more-than-average) prick. I never saw Linda's face throughout the entire process, although afterwards - when she had rolled off with a sigh - we kissed wetly and noisily for a while as she tried to remember if she had asked me my name. To be on the safe side, she had addressed me as. And she noticed Jack flipping through a pile of legal papers. Miles got out too and walked up to her. Face to face. ‘Ana, we need to talk. Let’s grab a coffee and….’ ‘I think so too Miles. You go first. What’s going on? Why are your bags in the wagon? What are all those papers Jack has?’ ‘The winery has been sold, Ana. I have been replaced. That’s the short of it. The long of it is that Todd has taken over, taken over completely. I’m out. Can’t go back. But it’s not all bad. Surprisingly, they have bought out my contract and have given me a great severance package. The package includes a settlement perk – a two week, all expense paid trip to Europe. That’s why I retrieved my bags from your place. My plane leaves from Cincinnati tonight. I’ll be in Paris about the time the late show comes on here.’ ‘Miles, is that the whole story? Is that why my key wouldn’t work? Am I out too?’ ‘Ana, this has nothing to do with you, not directly at least. My guess is that the new owners would welcome.
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