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He mooted the idea to himself at more length after he had eaten his solitary evening meal that night. He reprised the events that had led to their fracture, and found them to be much less important than he had thought before.First of all, she obviously loved him, and apart from her Welsh dalliance had been faithful and showed no interest in anyone else. After they broke up, and after what he had told her, he could hardly complain about her subsequent relationships.Then it was obvious that, without removing any of Julie’s own guilt, it was Caroline who had waged a war of attrition against him. It was Caroline who constantly sowed the seeds of doubt concerning Vicky, culminating in Vicky’s illness after her holiday. Then of course Julie finding Vicky in Aidan’s and her bed simply ‘proved’ everything Caroline had told her to be true.He had forgiven Caroline her treachery which was so much more evil than Julie’s, but for some reason would not forgive Julie in any real sense, though his. This past month had given me an appreciation for the simple acceptance that she’d shown to me in the wake of Miranda. I silently wondered how long her death would stain my life.Then I realized I didn’t feel guilty any more. I’d paid for her death with the life I’d built in its wake. The money meant so little now with most everything paid for by the grant, that I could only use very small amounts. I’d lost the girl I grew up loving, lost my best friend, lost my sister, lost my mother, lost Collie who’d walked away from me in disgust even though she couldn’t function independently and lost Tabby who had dragged the worst of my darkness out into the light of day and had bared her own to me. Six bonds I would have bet anything couldn’t have been broken and yet they were all shattered. Through it all, this one woman had forged a new one with me, drawing me to her even as others pushed me away, revolted by me.I was grateful for her. My recent experiences had taught me that nothing is.
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