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I try to stay calmKeep my voice gentleHoping to keep the 'femme' liltSURELY he must knowYet maybe I AM that goodBut he's a near-neighbourWe're bound to meet sociallyMy one chance to make it with a man, to BE myself, to BE a womanSurely I dare not.But who am I kidding?Not me, that's for sureI have to do itTo smile at him sweetlyTo say "Yes, thank you."To walk up to his front doorStill holding handsWe stand together while he unlocks the door, and moves to one sideTo let me in.He walks past me as he entersInvites me into the loungeAsks me to sit downI sit on the leather sofaCross my legsMy skirt rides upI tug the hem down desperatelyTo hide my embarrassment - and my stocking tops, does he think me a tart?He is smiling at my attempt.Offers me a drinkI ask for a vodka and tonicHe brings it, with his scotchSits on the sofa beside meI am STILL not sure...In fact I know damn wellI shouldn't be hereNot provocatively dressed like this, acting this way, very nearly flirtingWith a manI finish my. The bathtub sits in the yard filled with brown water and algae. Goldfish swim in that porcelain pond. In the bathroom upstairs half the wall is gone. I see the innards of housing, two by fours and wires and broken off sheet rock. She pees in the toilet and I can not wait any longer so I pee in the bathtub while sitting on the edge of it like it is one big toilet bowl, she flushes and I turn on the water then we brush our teeth with baking soda and hydrogen peroxide and we have the whitest teeth in school. Our white smiles render us lucky even if our teeth are crooked. I have golden-locks, dirty blonde to be truthful that shines to strawberry in the sunlight. I braid my head with two long thick braids that look like ropes that could strangle a man to death. When you see me I am all knees, in shorts with baseball spikes on my feet. I am the tallest kid in my class till I start smoking tobacco and drinking coffee, I think I stopped growing. My home is behind home plate, I have a strong.
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