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I have always been shy and quiet, during my childhood kids made fun of meall the time taking advantage of the fact that I didn't know how to defendmyself. Their favorite subject was my appearance, they used to tell methat my body was too girly and call me all kinds of names. I did have avery small upper body with thin arms and a small waist, however my lowerbody was different, I had thick thighs paired to a big ass and my hipswere very wide in contrast to my waist. I never thought much about it, butit did end up with me crying often because I felt helpless about theirbullying.I didn't feel girly at all, I wasn't attracted to boys and I wasn'teffeminate in my manners, but what I did feel was a great curiosity andattraction for everything feminine. I should clarify at this point that Ispent all my childhood and adolescence surrounded by women. In mygrandmother's house (also divorced since before I was born), my mother, myyounger sister and I lived together. Surely being in contact with. I knew I had to stop thinking about what Janet might be doing with other men to keep my own sanity. I had to count on what we had built over the past 17 years and her love for me. That attitude might make me into a total cuckolded weenie at the end of this. But, short of completely unwarranted snooping I didn’t see another alternative except to stick with what we had arranged and trust her to do the right thing.So, in the end it all came back around to continuing to try to rebuild our marriage. I was mostly able to keep the paranoid insecurity at bay, because I believed that she loved me and she knew the conditions for restarting things from the beginning. But the pain that my incipient jealousy was causing never went away, particularly with the notably boring single life I was leading.My condo was a lot nicer and more convenient than our house. I was getting the hang of simple housekeeping, so it was not a hardship to live by myself. But the dreadful hours between when I got home,.
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