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A tingle raised the hairs on my arm and—“—was praying to God and felt this peace,” Tonya said as she fidgeted before me.I shifted on my bed, my heart so tight in my chest. I couldn't believe it when Tonya arrived ten minutes ago. It was so awkward between us. We came up to my room and were dancing around what happened when she started talking about praying over to God for guidance.“Peace?” I asked, hoping this was important. I gripped my comforter. This was more important than my calculus formula.“Yeah, peace,” she said. “I just... I think God isn't angry at me. That he thinks it was okay. Just something girls did with their friends. Not... real sex. There was no penis involved, right?” A shy smile spread across my friend's face. Her platinum-blonde hair and ivory skin made the flush spreading across her cheeks seem to glow. “And... I kinda liked it.”“Kinda liked it?” I asked, my heart pounding in my chest.“It was... nice.”I smiled. “Did my dad tell you to pray or something?”“He. I almost lost it but I stopped to look her in the eye. There was no smile but some anxiety. She looked back and then her eyes looked like they were pleading. ‘Why?’ I whispered. ‘Why, darling? I am so thrilled to see you and am so aroused.’ I was not sure I sounded graceful. ‘I can’t, Chuck. We have been apart and I don’t think of you like that anymore. I am sure you too look at me like a good friend. How can we have sex?’ I had that mysterious feeling of whether I expected that or not. A bit of surprise and disappointment blended surreally with a sense of déjà vu. Have I lost her again? The sinking feeling of defeat grabbed me not for the first time on this trip alone. I stared at her. ‘I am so disappointed, Srila. You don’t like me? Have we not been intimate before? Come on!’ As she continued to look back into me, I lost my grip for a second. I put my arm around her and pulled her down with some force. She fell backward and in that fraction of a second I managed to sneak up.
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