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The result of the Kinsey’s scale, also known as the Heterosexual-Homosexual rating scale, revealed 80 percent inclination towards women, 20 percent towards men. A dozen sessions and a grid of questionnaires later, I allowed myself to be okay with my attraction to same-sex. It was quite normal to go on a coffee date. The Balkan and I lasted for one very trying year. Constant fights were mostly because I was applying the same rules of engagement as I would with a man, and it left behind a significant emotional emptiness. Absolutely none the wiser, I read everything I could about women’s sexuality, coming-out stories, and desires. I found some comfort at that time hanging out with a British lesbian couple at their home. One of them recommended shows to watch—L Word (intimate drama series about a group of lesbian friends struggling with romance and career in Los Angeles) and Tipping The Velvet (a coming of age story set in 1890s in England, delving into pervasive lesbian theme). Their. And then there are times where the damned thing has galivanted off for so long, you fear the inspiration is gone forever. But the love of a muse has kept many a writer going for years, and I credit mine for healing a hole in my soul I didn't know I even had.As I work in my computer room, staring at my monitor blankly, the half written fragments of sentences on my screen, cursing as I delete ANOTHER section of text for not coming out right, I hear her whisper in my ear as I stare at the screen, typing out random words that I try to build into a coherent whole. "That's not the way it happens, Dave". She says, her whispered words sliding against the back of my neck, causing my flesh to crawl slightly.I feel her slim, tiny hands, rubbing my shoulders... her fingers relieving the knots of stress caused by staring at a computer screen for hours on end. But the words she breathes do their part to cause new pockets of stress to appear. "No matter how hard you TRY, without the right.
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