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-Phyllis DillerBest way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.-Phyllis DillerA bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.-Phyllis DillerI want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.-Phyllis DillerMost children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.-Phyllis DillerAny time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.-Phyllis DillerWe spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.-Phyllis DillerBurt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.-Phyllis DillerWhat I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.-Phyllis DillerThe only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.-Phyllis DillerHis finest hour lasted a minute and a half.-Phyllis DillerOld age is when the. B.I. or another federal agency. I found a parking spot and walked over the tape. The smell of the smoke and whatever had burned up were still strong in the nostrils. I waited patiently to get the attention of one of the men in the dark suits. When one of them looked my way, I waved to get his attention. He saw me and walked carefully through the rubble."Hi, I'm Will Travers and I'm looking for my fiancée, Nicole Carlisle. I checked at the hospital and she's not there. Can you help me?" I doubt it," he said. "We're just getting a handle on what happened. Did your fiancée work in this building?" No ... well, not normally. She was here on a project with the federal government."His eyes immediately narrowed and his eyebrows rose."What did you say your name was?" Will Travers." Do you have some identification, Mr. Travers." Yeah ... here," I said, offering my press credentials."You're a long way from home, Mr. Travers. When did you get here?" I heard about the explosion yesterday afternoon.
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