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“How about sardines?”“Oh yes let’s,” Lady R squealed enthusiastically, perhaps just a little to much so. “Shall I be it?”When this suggestion was met with a wave of indifference, she quickly recovered and excused herself from the post as being inappropriate since she was the host.“I’ll do it,” I yawned. “Anything to relieve the tedium.”“G,g,g,good old Devina,” blurted the Brooke-Hamster. “Off you go, everyone else, c,c,c,close y,y,y,your eyes and c,co cu, cunt to a hundred. W,w,w,w, one...”“Oh for Christ sake Nigel I’ll count,” drawled Roger Ingham-Hardy. “It’ll be bloody Christmas before you get it out.”To the laughter of many and the drone of Roger’s enumeration, I fled the room and made my way upstairs, determined to find a hidey-hole so obscure that I might for go the rest of the evenings festivities and perhaps catch 40 winks or at least loosen my torturous dress and foundations that by this time were playing merry hell with my nether regions.Two stories up and at the far end of. Never – I repeat: never – would I have expected to get a text from Michelle asking me what I was up to the exact moment I was about to give up any plans whatsoever, order a pizza and settle for a nightlong round of Battlefield.I just thought, 'what the hell?' Let's just go out with her, right? I mean, what could possibly happen? We split up, like, four years ago. On good terms, that is. No need to tell you. You already know this. She and I had come to realize we weren't meant to be together. 'So what,' I thought? We're old enough to remember why we split up, right?Dumbest. Mistake. Ever!So, yeah, I told her I'd planned to go to that party but was about to reconsider since all my buddies had bailed.Okay, she replied, how about Netflix and chill at her place? I know, it's a corny old joke, but I hadn't done that in a while and it sounded like an actual plan, I thought. Both of us were too aware that hooking up was out of the question anyway – or supposed to be, at least.Hell yeah! Let's.
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