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So it was like a roaring fire rising and fading quickly.This was different. If the first time was a raging fire, this was a creeping volcano of molten lava creeping throughout my body. It all burned equally, and it was more painful than my torture., because there was no coma I could lapse into this time, as the nurses and technicians tried to keep my system from going into neural shock.But that was ok. They say that a patient’s mindset means quite a lot when it comes to pain tolerance and how we deal with it. This time I wasn’t being tortured. This time I wasn’t waiting to die. This time I didn’t fear betraying Alex. I was doing this for him, and for myself at the same time. That allowed me to keep the pain at bay.I remember the first time I opened my eyes in almost a decade. As I had become more used to my HI-AI interface, I had spent all my time in the virtual environment. After all, when I was the Ghost in the Machine, I’d much rather be the Goddess Online rather than Broken Mary. The other women who worked in the cafe were all considerably olderthan me and noticed that the tips were much better when I was waitingtable or even at the till. We shared tips with whoever was on the sameshift. I ended up doing a lot of waiting table.The whole thing about dressing as a girl had become fun, like I wasplaying a part in a movie. At no time did I think of myself as gay or atransvestite. I told myself that this was just a way of staying out ofsight. The makeup I'd bought and experimented with was also just part ofthe game. In the first few days I changed back into my boy clothes in theevening, but gradually those few items of clothing disappeared to theback of the wardrobe and I stayed 'in character' twenty four hours a day.I'd even bought a short silky nightdress, which felt incredibly sensualagainst my skin.In my time off I'd wander round town, go to the cinema or walk thepromenade. My intention was that this would be just for a few weeks, butit was the second month.
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