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..well, I'm getting ahead of myself. Allow meto introduce myself. My name is Boris; Count Boris, to be exact from a longroyal lineage in Eastern Europe. As you may have guessed, I'm a vampire.How I became a vampire is a long and interesting story but I won't relatethat tale now. My prey this night was in a modern American city. People who live here feelcompelled to go out at night no matter how dangerous it might be so thereis always plenty of nourishment to be had. The occasional mugger is aworry, to be sure, but no one is worried about vampires in this enlightenedsociety. It was quite different as little as a century before when the vastmajority stayed indoors at night and set wards against my kind. Being ableto feed regularly was a challenge. Now, it's ridiculously easy withvampires these days the mere stuff of myths and legends recounted in books,films and television shows.I spied my prey almost immediately, a young, pretty and well-dressed womanwith long blonde hair out alone. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins, and the rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue."Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won. "I haven't a clue," said the rabbi. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here."And then what?" asked a woman."Who knows?" said the rabbi. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."The Donald is elected.
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