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He’d rather know about how other people are doing.”“But he’s a hero,” said the waitress unable to understand why he wouldn’t want to talk about it.Ed turned and looked at the waitress with a smile. When he knew that he had her attention, Ed asked, “So what if I was a hero for one afternoon of my life? The rest of my life is spent working, playing with my kids, loving my wives, and visiting with my friends. That is what I’m proud about.”Understanding burst upon the waitress as she realized that he valued the things that everyone did rather than the extraordinary things that he had experienced as she said, “I see.”A number of other people nodded their heads in agreement. The weather outside turned horrible suddenly, as rain came pouring down amid bolts of lightening striking the ground around them. Ed looked out the window and said, “Isn’t nature amazing? Such power that it makes you feel like an ant.”Others in the room couldn’t help but agree as a bolt of lightening struck outside the. All it took was a few stops like that and I found I seldom forgot to call him Sir or Master. It really did help to reinforce the dynamics of our relationship. It was a temporary pain and usually after the endorphins kicked in, I found myself enjoying it. I realized the pain was the price I had to pay to participate. I began to accept that I would be receiving it at my husband’s discretion and even for his amusement.I think on some level I wished he’d be rougher with me. I knew he loved me and he didn’t want to make me really suffer. I felt strange urges to atone for past choices I’ve made and sometimes I would intentionally fuck up so that he would punish me. I think about this time in our past a lot.Master wasn’t being unkind or cruel. He was introducing me to the lifestyle in a phased approach. He was teaching me the core fundamentals of discipline and one of those is the application of pain – typically to the most intimate parts of my body. I was the one who was being manipulative.
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