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’ accident, they always told me it wasn’t my fault, but I was never able to push the guilt away. ‘But…I said that I hated them, if I had listened to them…’ ‘Emma, you were 16, everyone makes mistakes, you wanted to have your fun and it’s ok, the guilt has to stop, you’ve been torturing yourself for the past six years now. Mom and dad weren’t mad that night, they were concerned. They will always love you, no matter where they are. I hugged my sister really tightly and thanked her, she had told me almost the same thing as Ethan. We went back home a little after that, we drove in silence and that was ok for me. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, anyone except maybe Ethan, it seemed like he was always an exception. I missed him. When I fell asleep that night, I secretly wished that I could see Ethan, I wanted him to make me forget everything that I was feeling inside. That place, I knew where I was, it was where I met Ethan for the first time. Could it be that I was going to see him. Any attention was unwanted.“I’m not getting close to that girl, either. Those noises she makes are so weird and gross. It’s like she’s always seconds away from throwing up.”The boys took turns imitating either dying frogs or the gagging sounds Amy’s throat occasionally made. As an expert in ignoring unpleasant things, the girl kept her eyes fixed on the blackboard. Pretending to be unbothered was something she had to do every minute of every day to appear normal. Yes, mouth stuck open, only speaking one or two words between swallows, always shifting in her chair, frequently wincing, and walking like she had a stick up her ass... that was the most normality she could achieve.The walk home from school showcased Amy's symptoms at their worst. On shaky legs, she shambled from lamp post to lamp post, stopping at each one for a break of internal screaming. Good Samaritans no longer stopped to ask her if she was alright; every driver in the neighborhood knew her as the weird, mute girl that.
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