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My therapist said that this exercise was to put everything down on paper without a lot of editing. She felt that if I wrote everything down, it might help me with my occasional bouts of depression and anxiety.Cause I'm unable to have a satisfying orgasm any more.No, it's not physical. I still wake up in the middle of the night with strong erections. Even after more than five years of hormones and such; even after surgical procedures on my face, throat, voice box, and breasts; I still have a decent sized penis. Naturally, my testicles are marbles these days. And I have lost a few inches off of a rather lovely prick, I don't have a physical problem. I just can't relax and have an orgasm. Part One - It's All About Me - MY RANTI envy those lying transsexual girls that tell you that they don't need to be orgasmic and ejaculate. The ones who talk about anal orgasms or having a womanly orgasm deep inside that is sooooo different. To me, it's bullshit. Sure, castrate yourself and turn. After 3 months in Port Loko, I was moved to the farthest flung branchof Pendembu, at the end of the railway line, 300 miles from Freetown,240 miles of dirt roads. It was a station with few Europeans, a man andwife, expecting their first baby, an occasional visitor JohnLivingstone and two Catholic fathers. It was not hard to be friendswith all of them.I had been there two months when I closed early to drive the 160 mileround trip on dirt road to get supplies of European food. I got the 15miles to ferry and found the river in flood and no ferry. A couplethere turned out to be the UK Consul in Monrovia, capital of Liberia.And his wife. I took them home for some lunch and then they tried againand found the ferry open. At a dinner in Freetown they sat next to theSierra Leone General manager,Mr Enk, and gave a glowing account of me.Four months later, I received a telegram saying that the GeneralManager from London, Redmayne, was going to visit my branch. I triedto reply agreeing to pick.
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