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All he needed to do was knock on the door.The prospect terrified him, but it was the pleasurable terror of a roller-coaster or horror movie. Mixed in was the excitement of what would happen once he crossed the threshold into the room.Laymon leant against the railings by the canal feeling raging hormones mix with the drugs and alcohol surging through him. Beneath him the canal was pitch-black and silent. His mind wandered as he remembered the Irishman and he pictured old decomposed skeletons hiding down there in the dark depths.There was still the stigma. Paying for it was like admitting you couldn't pick up girls normally.He suspected Hutson had suggested they split up for his benefit. His friend was better looking than him and had more success with the girls. Hutson was just here for the drugs. Laymon reckoned he was already heading back to the bar to wait while his friend 'sorted himself out'.So was he going to do it or chicken out?Fuck it.He had the euros and Rich wouldn't know. Reality isn’t so hard to face when you cut off feelings altogether. But this is a dangerous path. It can help you overcome the loneliness you feel but replaces it with a cold steel sort of apathy. I have been using this unfeeling method lately and I feel it has soured our good moments. The last night we spent together was hot and steamy as always.But the feelings that come when we leave each other never came. I wasn’t broken and unstable. I was cold and accepting of our denied relationship. Locking us away as a dream and nothing more. Sometimes, spending entire days convinces myself that we are only a dream and that nothing ever happened between us. We are just characters in one of my stories and nothing more.It made it easier for me to face the unknowing world. I think that there is a huge difference between bottling up frustrations and refusing to feel them altogether. If you bottle up everything, it still exists. Somewhere in the back of your mind or the smallest crevice of your.
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