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She’s still good to go.”“What?”Claire winked at me and joined her little friend on the couch. Claire jumped into Alex’s lap and the two started giggling with one another. Reminds me when they were kids and would play at my house. Ah, simpler times.“What’s so funny, you two?”“Nothing. I was just thinking how adorable Alex is. Look at this little face! And her hair!”“Claire, stop. I’m not that cute.”“Yes, you are.”Claire gave Alex a big smooch on the cheek. Alex returned the favor, which led to Claire kissing Alex on the lips. The girls were making out right in front of me. Can you say, awkward?“Um… girls?”Alex and Claire stopped kissing. Claire got up and sat on the adjacent couch. Alex’s eyes lingered on Claire, but then she quickly turned her attention to me. The look she gave me was a fiery mix of passion and hunger. I loved it.“You know, Alex talks a lot when she’s drunk. A LOT. She told me all sorts of things about you, Dad. You really fucked Alex in her parents’ bedroom while. Now I know I can’t even control myself.”I put the weight down.“Look,” I said. “It seems to me the answer to your problems is simple. Just don’t go out on dates and you won’t get horny and want to do things with Steve or any other guy.”She stared at me.“For such a genius, you sure are stupid.”“Tanya Clarke does it,” I said.“Tanya Clarke is a lesbian,” said my sister.“And you know this because?”“She doesn’t go out with guys,” said Hannah.“That doesn’t make her a lesbian,” I said. “It makes her a girl who doesn’t have your kind of problem because she’s smart enough to recognize that guys can be a pain in the ass.”“You’re not a pain in the ass,” she said. “Except that girls like you too much and get scared.”That made me feel pretty good. It was complicated, though. The guy who all the girls ‘just want to be friends with’ is the guy with a constant case of blue balls.“Okay,” I said. “Some guys aren’t assholes, but you never know until you’re around them for a while. Tanya doesn’t gamble.
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