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I was always either stocking the shelves indoors or behind the counter working the register. He was always out back, loading cargo out of his pick-up truck into the storage garage. It was the highlight of my day to see Dan ride up at 4:00PM, and watch him through the window, lifting heavy boxes off the truck and into the garage. He confused me about my sexuality. I always admired watching the beautiful women at church, with their make-up, dresses, and purses. Watching them walk gracefully from their cars, up the steps, and enjoying the feeling I got whenever I sat nearby one of them during the sermon. But I knew felt attracted to them in the way that men are usually attracted to women. I never wanted to date them. I just wanted to spend time with them, enjoy the feminine energy, and to… I guess, be pretty.I think a big reason I wasn’t bullied in my town was because of my lineage. My father died serving while my mother was pregnant with me, and my mother was as sweet as Miss Adams’. On the walk home I keep replaying everything that happened. Being caught was not okay, but it did make me turned on. My secret was now in his hands and I had no say in if it came out anymore. It was dangerous and that's the most fucked up thing I have ever thought.I stop at my front door and hesitate to turn the knob. My mom was on the other side and she would probably bombard me with questions. My brother is away at college for now so I don't have to worry about him. I take a deep breath and open the door. I step into the house and notice all the lights are off. Mom is not here. I make myself a quick sandwich and take it upstairs. As I eat on my bed I notice myself get tired. My arms feel heavier and my eyes keep closing. When my body feels too tired to stay awake I place my plate on my side table, glance at my clock that says 7:00, and lay my head on my pillows. I slip into a very deep sleep and have some very naughty dreams that night.I awake slowly around 5 in the morning and.
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