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If only I could wake up with a beautiful vagina between my legs. If only the pathetic 2 inch strip of meat could be gone when I say so. It is of no use to me.I have had girlfriends in the past, but I have never had a desire to penetrate them. Play with their breasts, sure, but no desire to get inside them. I want to play their role. I want to be in their position. I want to lie naked on the bed, seduce the other person to caress my naked body, play with my breasts, spank my ass.I'm not gay, I tried to be, but I can't be. I don't find men attractive. Perhaps its a self loathing, that I hate being a man. It would be fun to have sex with a guy as a woman, but I cannot imagine kissing a guy, or going on a date with one. Men are not for me. My biggest fantasies involve me being submissive. To be tied up, stripped naked, spanked, whipped, fucked with a strapon. Like the lesbian bondage videos I watched as a teen. I didn't even masturbate to them back then, I just marvelled at them, wishing. I chose 'The Meadows' because I was able to have my own one-bedroom apartment complete with kitchen and laundry room.'The Meadows' was built around a golf course and several small lakes. I think the total acreage was around three thousand. There were other amenities such as a gym, hiking and jogging trails, recreation hall, a movie theatre, bowling lanes, support groups, social groups and special events. The village was made up of both married couples and singles. A little more than half were married couples. Of the single residents, three quarters were single widows and the rest single widowers like me. The single women more than outnumbered the single men.My first week at 'The Meadows', I met Monica while out for an early morning jog. Monica is a 59-year-old retired college professor who enjoys learning new languages, sailing and horse racing. She is energetic and smart, but can also be very selfish and a bit standoffish. She is a liberated woman who defines herself as bisexual..
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