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I have known great passions, and great sex. But sensual exploration of sexuality, loss of all thought and inhibition, losing CONTROL. Total surrender. How can one just surrender their thoughts, their senses? I go through the days of my regular life having to be serious, stay serious… stay in control of myself. Coolly dealing with the realities of life. How then do I surrender myself? The very thought of doing this awakens something in me that has lain dormant. I WANT IT! To not be bound by anything, to explore and be explored. To discover and be discovered, mind… body… soul… all senses. Oh, the allure! The attraction of just letting go… getting lost in such sweet surrender! The very thought frightens me, and yet makes my soul ache for it. I can see it, you know. I can write here for you about it, for here in my words… my little world, I am free to do as I choose. Her words, again, and so true, again. How could I not see it… picture it? I can, in my mind, and in these words, surrender. “You are just making empty boast.”“No, I am not, and you will see. Demonde knows what you want. He will come for you. He will want to have you first.”“How would he know what I desire?” I said, still skeptical.“Because I told him. Did you see what he did with Tion on that tree. Demonde loves to take boys on trees like that. He has a tree in his clearing. He calls it his Fuck Fuck Tree. It has branches every which way that he likes to use to put the boys in positions useful to him. He ties them to the tree. And he fucks them and fucks them and fucks them.”“And you claim he has done this to you?” My voice was hoarse now, thick from desire.Before Sydney rolled over on top of me again and we took each other’s rehardened shafts in our mouths, he whispered, “Yes, he has, and it was—and is—nothing like I have ever experienced before. You’ll see. He came for me when I was fourteen. He still ties me to his tree. I’ll take you there some night to watch him ravish me. And some day he will come.
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