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”“I love it when you call me by your mum’s name ... turns me on.”“If you’re trying to improve the world, you should start with yourself. Nothing needs more help than you do.”“I could eat a whole bowl of alphabet soup, shit it out, and have something better than you just said.”“Shut up, I’m not your mirror.”“Behind every bitch there’s a man who made her that way!”“Ohh ... look who’s talking about themselves again!”“See ya and take care ... and by see ya I mean go fuck yourself and by take care I mean go fuck yourself.”“People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.”“Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.”“You’re spreading rumours about me? At least you found a hobby spreading something other than your legs.”“The fact that jellyfish survived for 650 million years with no brains is good news for stupid people like you.”“Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry. You’re safe.”“Somewhere out there. As the days went by other parents started to notice. When one of mums arrived late and saw the driver using binoculars, she called the police. The patrol car arrived just as the children came out. I was bending down to embrace Madeleine and Thomas when I saw him get out of the car. Even four hundred yards away I recognised him. That large frame, the way he held himself, even the way he pushed his fingers through his hair when he was stressed. I watched as he got something from his pocket a showed it to the constable."Mummy, why are you crying," asked Thomas "are you hurt?" No, don't worry. Mummy's, fine the wind just blew some grit in her eye." I lied to him.As I gathered them up and walked back to the car. I looked back to see him, still talking to the policeman.Two days later I went in my friend Penny's Isuzu. Penny went to collect the children with specific instructions to keep them waiting at the gate. It took him all of five minutes. At first he was tentative looking all around.
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