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‘Between that visit and the next, it died. Whether there was an infection, or the dead fetus caused an infection, they didn’t know, but the effect on my uterus was irreversible, it no longer produced a viable lining to support a fertilized egg. I know Tommy told everyone I miscarried, but they had had to abort a dead fetus. ‘I went home right after that and stayed with your folks for awhile. Ellie was teaching and you were in grad school, so the two of you were around quite a bit. As bad as I felt, that was a good time, just about the last good time. ‘Your Mom took me to see a specialist in the city to see if they could determine what had happened. They couldn’t, but they did tell me it would be a miracle if I ever carried a child to term. They were also surprised that I had even been pregnant. One of my fallopian tubes is totally blocked, the other, nearly half. ‘ ‘That, I think, was the weekend I fell in love with you.’ Chris interrupted. ‘Ellie had been called into school for. Why would I ever want to go back? My one and only desire is to advance further into this wonderful world of pain and submission in order to experience new sensations.A psychologist would probably explain my desires by some traumatic experiences in my childhood. I can honestly say that my childhood was one of happiness and harmony without any serious problems. But my secret desires have been with me for as long as I can remember. At first I discovered how much I enjoyed playing Indians and Cowboys with the boys, being captured, tied and "tortured". Many times I would wish that they had gone further but they probably neither had the nerve nor the imagination. We were actually starting to unleashing feelings that many would think would have been better off being suppressed. Our games gave us a perfect alibi. You can imagine that I was dreaming of our games many a night and how they could advance further. At the same time, I had to restrain myself not to go to far. Already then, I.
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