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You started this... Mother, there are actually certain weird people..." I said drawing it out dramaticly as she peered at me carefully."... who actually like... being tied up." I said proudly, feeling weird to be saying this to my own mom."That's is? Oh, Honey - I've read all about that. That's what you meant? Strike one." Mom giggled proudly."huh? Uh... where'd you read about-?" I said, mouth catching flies."Readers digest. Cautionary tales of addictions to porno on the net. Some sad people also become sex addicts over this silly M & M stuff I suppose. All very ho hum if you ask me. " That's 'S & M' mother, and I'm talking about something weirder. Even more perverted." I intoned, givng her my best dramatic and ominous look."Mom, there are certain men and woman who... like to dress up as..." I leaned closer dropping my voice a bit."... as ponies." I smiled smugly.Mother paused.She waited a beat, then staring at me blankly.I savored her stunned silence in victory as my poor silly. I responded to him in a way a married woman shouldn't but, after Jimmy's transgression, it didn't feel as wrong. I knew it was, but I didn't feel it. I was at a precipice. Suddenly, I understood what my pastor was talking about when he said that people fell from grace. It wasn't being in a bar. Or being out with a man who wasn't my husband. Or even thinking about sex around him. It was that I didn't want to bring any more decisions to God. Had He spared me from a bad marriage? Given me one sign that Jimmy wasn't everything everyone told me he would be? Had my sheltered Christian upbringing done anything to help me deal with this situation? And hadn't I prayed earnestly and humbly about all of these things? I made another decision without taking it to God. "I don't want you to stop trying to seducing me," I said in a voice that was almost a whisper. "You don't mean that," he said. I wasn't good with duplicity, but I was very sure that it wasn't the answer he wanted to give. "You would.
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