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And who's the lucky lady you'll be playing with tonight?" A titter from the audience at the double-entendre."Tonight my partner will be my lovely wife Alisha, Max." Fantastic. We'll meet Alisha in just a minute, but first let's say hello to Russell."Russell is short, skinny and dark-skinned. "Hi Max. My name's Russell Holmes-Roper. I live in London where I'm an architect." And who's your partner for tonight?" Tonight I'll be playing with my girlfriend Kara." OK, we've met Jim and Russell, now it's time to meet the ladies."A huge screen behind him flickers to life, revealing the plush leather interior of a limousine. Three attractive women are seated. All hold glasses of champagne – or perhaps sparking wine. One of them is also holding a microphone. Max turns to face the screen."Hello, Sam, how are you this evening?"The woman with the microphone is in her late thirties, tall, slim and elegant. She wears a long blue dress. "Hi Max. I'm having a great time with these two delightful. I ate a perfectly prepared meal of gristle preceeded by pig swill and followed by a disgusting gooey mass which no self respecting savage would have deigned to consume which I was advised was French Quisine.I went to read but there was not one half decent book among hundreds in the Library. There was no hot water for a bath, no oil lamps merely candles, and I dreaded my bed time as I was sure I would share my nocture with rats or worse.And indeed it was worse. The Housekeeper had severely misjudged me.“Have my bed warmed,” I instructed a half hour before retiring. Miss Williams the Housekeeper agreed.Normally and half sensible person would place glowing coals in the bed pan and warm the bed thus, taking care to ensure it did not actually catch afire.However Miss Williams was obviously some kind of perverted deviant for when having undressed and donned my nightshirt I opened the curtains to my four posted bed only to find two naked chambermaids therein and fast asleep.“What in gods.
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