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I was surprised by these church-going women who, under the cover of darkness and a couple of drinks, were eager to provide a taste of what they had promised to someone else.After everyone had left and Dad had stumbled upstairs, I stayed to help Mom tidy up so there wasn't such a big cleanup job the next morning. Mom was just leaving the kitchen, and I was bringing the last two glasses from the living room, when we met in the doorway. Mom took the glasses from my hand and placed them on the counter beside her instead of taking them in to the sink."That's enough for tonight. Thanks for your help, Jon."I nodded."You played wonderfully tonight. Everyone really enjoyed themselves," Mom said. After a short pause, she added, "I noticed Mrs. Erickson was particularly pleased," referring to the good looking woman that trapped me under the mistletoe with a particularly enthusiastic embrace.Although she was joking, I sensed displeasure. I looked up to the top of the doorway to avoid her eyes. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener.I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it 'Pumping Rust.'When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'An ambulance.'Birds of a feather flock together and then potty on your car.The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble...Did you ever notice: When you put the 2.
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