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We had started out at five forty-five and called it quits by six fifteen. I went home and did my bathroom stuff and was getting ready to leave when Prissy said to me through the screen door as she was standing on my small porch, "I hope you are being nice to those two. They are both such sweet ladies. If I thought you were abusing them I would, I would, I don't what I would do, but you would be sorry."I held my hands up defensively, "Oh, Prissy, I wouldn't hurt any of the three of these ladies. If you know Caroline and Shirley, you know they're a little bossy and headstrong. I've just been happily going along with them. Ask them, they'll tell you, I've tried to be a gentleman with them." Okay, Mark Robins, you'd better. I love those girls like they were my own. I know they are a little wild sometimes, but they are good girls."While smiling, I said, "Yes they are, Prissy. I agree with you."Prissy walked back across the street as I pulled the cart out of my shed. She looked back at me. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised ... Am I wrong?So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5” long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’ What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best...I’m sitting there alone, Gracie.
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