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The thought the very idea that she might generate in herself a towering, sexual climax ran counter to every fiber of her conscious being.Every time I've felt like doing it to myself, there it is. It's in my brain yelling loudly. It's a sin an the eyes of God. Don't do it. Maybe that's the reason I can't be the kind of woman Eddie wants me to be. I even try to stop him from touching me there. But, Lord, how I've desired him to do it anyway.Even in the privacy of her own bathroom, she felt the flush spreading in her cheeks as the thought of the pleasure she had received, on those few times, when Eddie had stroked her clitoris to hard erectness, bringing her a feeling of indecent shame.Alyce was trying desperately to rationalize her conditioning. Life in Salt Lake City with her strict Mormon upbringing gave the young woman little chance to think for herself. The strict religious community of which her family played a leading role gave her little chance to do anything without the. Mixed emotions were raging through me and she was attentive but not overly so. She would listen while I read extracts of the speech I had written for her, suggesting alternative words and phrases but generally liking what I had produced. ‘You have cat hair on your left tit.’ ‘You have lipstick on your right ear.’ ‘It’s fashionable!’ but she wiped it off. ‘Come round to the flat tonight around eight?’ I nodded, closed down my laptop, grabbed my coat and went home again. She was right, of course, we did love each other. It had not been said before but it was true. I wrestled with myself, cursing a middle class upbringing and conventional values. I wanted to be what she wanted but it isn’t easy to shrug off twenty years of indoctrination. I had a stiff gin, called a cab and changed into a pair of tight, black leather trousers and a white silk blouse, tidied my hair and face and grabbing a few things in case I stayed the night went to the front door. I remembered Cloudsley and hastily.
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